Hey Everybody,
I'm hoping all is well with you! So far, so good with me.
This post is just some encouragement that people have sent to me, that I wanted to send to you!
Times are hard, things get rough, but through perseverance, persistence and patience. We will make it through!
Love you all,
Tammy J
Poem from Bradie Frink:
Good things come to those wait
Hopefully soon and not too late
You've prepared yourself for what may come
When the game is over you will have won
Never more than you can bare
God our king will be right there
To wipe away your every tear
And soothe your heart from any fear
I believe in you and all you do
If anyone can succeed it will be you
A little test to check your faith
And exercise God's awesome grace
He'll keep you in perfect peace
Working it out when you expect it the least
His hand is covering your heart and life
Protecting you from hurt and strife
So lift your your head and do your thing
Enjoy the miracle that God will bring
Increasing everything you thought you were losing
Giving you choices, a job of your choosing
From what I've seen I know you're ok
The time is now, you'll find your way
You'll figure it out, job, house and all
And if you need to talk, GIVE ME A CALL
Words of encouragement from KF:
It's only a chapter, not the story!
Song lyrics from PY:
There's nothing you can't do,
Now you're in New York,
These streets will make you feel brand new,
Big lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York
Words of encouragement from CH:
Don't let the temporary irritations, personality conflicts, challenges and foolishness distract you, my sister. Keep your eyes on the prize! Do not be timid to SHINE because God made you to shine for Him. People may get intimidated but you have a higher calling and you must answer to Him. You will do well in Jesus' name!
Words of wisdom from DJ:
You are a G! Like a real G.
Moving to another city with no job. That's some G stuff!
Words of encouragement from SS:
I know God has someone for everyone. God has a plan for your life and don't forget it. Read this story. You never know what happens when you blog.
Words of encouragement from RJ:
Go Tameka, Go!
.
Words of encouragement from me:
This too shall past and joy cometh in the morning.
Send some words of encouragement that people have sent you:
tammyj at tammyj .net
This blog will detail my move to New York, including the search for a job, an apartment, renting a room with people I don't know and the ridiculousness that I'll encounter along the way.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Everyone needs a shoulder!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Just a chapter, not the story!
Hello All,
You’ll be happy to know that I’ve started my podcast. It’s
called the Tammy J: It Happens show
and it is on iTunes, Spreaker and YouTube. I’m very excited about this and I
really hope you guys will listen, subscribe and leave reviews. :-)
iTunes people, click here and
all the rest of you, click here.
Well, on to more news. Current status, I do not have a job,
meaning I do not have my own apartment, meaning I’m still where I was last
week. However, I received some good advice, which I’m going to take. “Stop
acting like a visitor and you might fall in love with the place”. Thanks Fed! I
think I will. As a result of taking this advice, I went grocery shopping. Do
not ask what I have been doing the past month. Don’t. Just leave it alone. I
took some more advice from a friend (thanks RJ) and bought some bread, lunch meat, snacks,
cereal and milk. I just ate a sandwich and it was pretty good! As I went out to make my sandwich, my
roommate offered me some Moroccan tea and bread that he made. I said yes. Well,
look at that – my friends will be proud of me. :-)
Not only did I go grocery shopping, I went downstairs to the
basement level of this apartment building to wash my clothes. Again, don’t ask
what I’ve been doing before this. No, I haven’t been going to Maryland to wash
clothes. SMH. I got all excited about facing the dungeon (I mean the basement).
I scoped out the dungeon first. I saw that the machines were fairly new, I went
to the bank and asked for $20 in quarters and headed to the dungeon. I get
there and 1) I don’t have any detergent and 2) the machines do not take
quarters, they take a card that you need cash to get. I felt awfully stupid.
You should have seen me leaving the bank, like I was doing something. All excited
about being proactive, well, apparently not that observant. SMH. Now that I’ve
bought the detergent, I haven’t been able to get the cash to buy the card. I
think I’ll go back to the bank and ask them for $20 for my two rolls of
quarters. SMH
My adventures on the train, included the following:
- One guy was playing a guitar (Christian music) and a couple of drunk ladies were dancing in their drunken way. It was quite interesting to watch, especially since they were worship songs. LOL He just kept playing.
- As they were dancing, these two girls were walking arm-in-arm down the platform and one of the girls just fell and brought them both down. I was like, OMG. My legs started to move towards them, because the one girl wasn’t getting back up. Before I could get there, many other people were already there and one guy scoped up the girl, grabbed his stuff and started taking her towards the nearest police officer. I thought that was very unlike New York, but was very glad to see that act of kindness.
- After they passed me to get to the police, all I see is these two legs walking, but the guy was sitting in a wheelchair. So, his legs were doing all the movement and he was walking or scooting across the platform. I did a double take and he looked at me like, “yeah”. I just looked back at him like, “do what you do, sir”. SMH
- I get on the train and I see this woman with a purple shirt, purple lipstick and purple glazed eyebrows. I had to look a few more times and thought – I’ve seen it all now. These New Yorkers are taking matching to another level.
On Friday, I left work really late, probably around 8:00 pm,
because I had to do a video conference for the class that I teach online and I
wouldn’t have made it back to my place in time. Therefore, I stayed, but made
sure the maintenance crew knew I was there. As I left the building, I tried to
go out of my usual exit and there was this huge sign that said “HALT”. Just
kidding, it said, STOP. Do not exit this way, between the hours of 8am and 11pm
or the NYPD will take action against you. With my luck, I figured if I ignored
that sign, the siren would go off, lights would come on and they would have me
against the wall, talking about “spread ‘em”. So, I halted and went another
way. As I was going back towards the way I came, I asked the group of people who
were at the table, how to get out. They pointed in one direction, so I
headed that way. Well, I get to one door and it didn’t say STOP, there were no cameras,
lights or anything that said NYPD, so I went out that door. Now it is raining
outside, but I have my umbrella, because I’m no longer in Kansas and I started
walking towards the gate. I get closer to the gate and see that it is closed.
Okay, maybe this is to deter people from coming through. No, it was locked with
the biggest padlock I’ve ever seen. I’m like, great. Let me go out the other
way. The distance between these gates is the distance between the side of the entire
school building, which turns out to be the length of three basketball courts,
side by side. I get to the other gate and it looks closed as well and the
closer I get – I see that familiar HUGE pad lock. Now I’m like Good Lord! The
door that I just left out of is a typical steel school door – made for crafty
kids – so they could never get in or out, unless you wanted them to.
However, I did not panic yet. I’m no stranger to hopping gates or going under them. (long
story) Anyway, I start to look for cuts in the gate or places where the gates
have been disconnected from the base. Uh, no (in my Kevin Hart voice). All these
places have been re-sealed and the places where they were holes in the gates
have been patched up with thicker gate material. Then, panic hit my heart. I
see a couple walk past on the other side, so I started to walk towards them and
say something, but then I thought better of it. They may see that I’m trapped
like a caged wildebeest and start to poke fun. I go back to the steel door
and bang on it. It was like kicking bricks – barely made a sound. My hand just
hurt. I’m like, OMG. Why does this stuff happen to me? Why? What did I do,
Lord? Why me? Then I start pacing back and forth, like my telepathic WILL would
open the gates. I think, maybe if I put my umbrella through, my purse and my
other bag, I can just hop over the gate. Then I think better of that idea – I’m
in East Harlem, if I stick anything through those gates with no way to get over
there – they will be gone. Hello!
I go back to the door and start to bang and kick. Now with a
vengeance. Almost in hysterics – because I was trapped. All of a sudden the
door opens! I said, “Thank you Jesus!” The maintenance guy who I notified that
I was in the building, when we were on the fifth floor opens the door and asked
me where was I going? I told him, apparently nowhere. Then I said, I’m trying
to get home! He is laughing at me by this point, because I’m sure he sees the
hysteria in my eyes. I said, “I’m glad you think it’s funny.” He could barely
talk, because he was laughing so much. I just stalked off and went out a door I
knew I wouldn’t be trapped like a caged animal. SMH
Last Sunday, I went to the movies to see Superman. It was
okay, the movie seemed rushed, but okay. I drove to the theatre and when I came
back – it was around midnight and there was nowhere to park. I finally found a
place to park. BTW: The parking here is crazy. Nowhere to park in a 5 block
radius. So, the next Sunday, a few days ago, I saw a closer parking spot, so I
went to go get my car and move near where I am staying. I quickly walk the five
blocks, excited that there were a few spaces available and they were closer to
my place. The closer I get to where I think my car is located, I realize I do
not see my car. I was not alarmed at first, because all the blocks look alike.
I see a man sitting outside his house and I ask him if there was a car here and
are you allowed to park here? He starts to explain in a very thick Italian
accent – “no car here”. I’m like, sir, I think I parked my car here last Sunday.”
He said, “I hope not, it says no standing”. I said, “Right, but it doesn’t say
no parking”. He says, “Standing is parking”. I’m like, what? So, I go to the
next block, convinced that my car is there. Uh, no. (Kevin Hart voice and then
the Kevin Hart cry). Because this is not HAPPENING TO ME! Everybody was trying
to be helpful, but at that point – I was done. I was just done. I didn’t want
to hear nothing, because, REALLY? My car is gone. It’s either stolen or has
been towed. I return to my place and I didn’t call the cops for a while, because
I was just done. People are urging me to find out – I’m like – I will – One day.
I’ll find out. I was so done, it didn’t make any sense. I’m catching the train,
holding my neck, grasping my bag, blotting my face because it’s hot as HADES 'out this mickity flick', wearing shorts under my skirts, sneakers to keep my
stride, get locked in a cage, have to share an apt, can’t cook, no full-time
job, no prospects of a job, have to keep the air conditioning and fan running
in my room and only when I’m there, and now my car is gone. Done!
Well, after I gathered myself, I called the cops, whose
system was down and they couldn’t tell me if my car had been towed. Oh,
wonderful! The Bronx pound was closed on Sunday and I must wait until Monday. On
Monday morning, I did not feel too well, so I called out. I then called the pound,
who after 10 minutes of searching their system said my car was there. It had
been towed on Tuesday and I just realized this on Sunday. Whoopee!
I found out
how to get to the pound on the train that also included a 15 minute walk in the
HOT SUN. At one point, I pulled out my trusty umbrella and did not CARE who
looked at me like I was not from around there. I finally reached the pound and
after $245 in tow fees and $345 in tickets (apparently it cost $115 per ticket to
park in a “no standing zone”), which I did not have to pay at that moment (thank God). To
date, I have 3 tickets – one for being 9 ft. near a hydrant ($115) that I received
a few weeks ago and two from last week. I may need to start a TJ Move to New York Charity! I
drove off with my car, but not before the old police officer that ‘needed’ to harass
me about why “God gave him eyes to see the pretty woman and he assured me with a
ring on his ring finger that he would use his eyes to just that.” As he eyed me
up and down. I asked him “how his wife felt about that?” and then I was like, “can
you please take me to my car”. I have no time for this foolishness. I’m already
hotter than fish grease!
New York, New York – oh how I love thee. :-)
To top off this experience, I did receive an email from one
school, stating that they received my resume from the Head Hunters and wanted
to know if I would be interested in a position that was not on my radar. I
looked at the job description and thought it might not be a bad idea,
considering what I want to do and said, “Sure”. I have to apply, but we’ll see
what happens. That’s the first lead in a few weeks and honestly, I needed some
good news.
TODAY, around 4pm, my vision started to blur and I knew a
migraine was coming. I immediately took my migraine medicine, but it kept
coming. I couldn’t concentrate, so I left work at 4:45pm. I am feeling nauseous
the whole walk to the train station and of course, the sun is out, people are
shouting and the trains seemed extra loud. I’m praying I can get a seat,
because I felt like I was about to go down at any point. I make it to my second
train and sat down on the platform bench, which I never do. However, it was
either I sat down or would have laid down, like the guy that I saw outside last
week. That is how I felt. As soon as I sit down, I think to myself - I need
some water. Don’t you know, one of the guys that sells stuff on the train starts
yelling, “Ice-cold water, only two left”. I weakly raised my hand as he went to
pass me and found the $2 that I keep in my purse. I gave him a dollar for the
water and then asked him if he had any candy? HAHA. That’s what I get. I tell
you, that man saved my life today. I think he knew it, because he gave me
another pack of fruit snacks and started talking about how he likes to help his
people, because he knows it’s hot. I said, “Well, I thank you. Because I was
about to pass out in this station”. He said that the job is hard work and he’s
been out here since 9 am. I asked him “Is it good money” and he said, about
$100 a day. I said, well that’s not bad then. As he was talking, I CRUSHED that
candy. I mean by the handful. It was crazy. I had lunch, so I’m not sure what
was wrong, but my hands were shaking like I hadn’t eaten a thing. Without that
water and candy, I would not have made it home. I was walking as slow as a
turtle, but I finally made it back to my place and crashed!
I felt much better when I woke up, but I thought to myself –
even though these New York ways seem foreign to me – I need to stop acting like
a visitor, because I just might need them. :-)
Location:
Bronx, NY, USA
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Not in Kansas Anymore
Wow, this has been a week. It has been exactly one week
since I last wrote a blog and when I say, it’s been up and down - it really
has.
Last Tuesday, I was supposed to meet with a friend of a
friend. I was late meeting her, because I got lost on the train - SMH and she
actually left, because I was a half-hour late and could not contact her. She was
nice enough to come back to meet me and
I was glad that she did – it was a great time and she provided me with her
story of how she came to New York on a wing and a prayer. I really needed to
hear this, because I’m only hanging by a prayer. The wing broke off last week. :-)
In any event, I drove home to Philadelphia to celebrate my
little sister's birthday. She turned 20 years old and we celebrated at the
Cheesecake Factory (CF). This was a good outing, besides the waitress. Granted
it was late, but lady – with a group of 12 -
I know you get automatic gratuity, but please act like you want to be
here. She started us off by bringing one basket of bread to split between four
tables. Remember, I said there were 12 of us. Right! Then she brings out glasses
of water for my brothers and the water was warm. My brothers were
flabbergasted. They just could not understand how someone could serve warm
water, even with ice. I was shocked by this as well, but figured CF does not
fill up the glass with ice like Dunkin Donuts or fast food restaurants, and
this was not a takeout order so it would be cold by the time we arrived home.
SMH. I was trying to keep it together, because I did not want to ruin my
sister’s birthday with foolishness. She
was so excited when I told her we were taking her out, and there would have
been no alternative at 10pm. We can either wait for the ice to melt or ask for
some more water. (To be safe, I think I'd wait for the ice to melt). Anyways, the appetizers were great, our food
was great, and hanging out with the family was great.
My niece (1.5 years old) decided she wanted to get her
mother's attention, shifted her weight in her high chair, which shifted her
pamper to the side and then released her bladder - which trickled down to the
floor. It was so much, we thought she might have spilled water. Uh, no. It was my
girl. Her parents passed her around like a football pass off to take her to the
restroom. It was quite comical to see, even with pee droplets on my shoes. I
informed the waitress, who seemed to not understand the first two times I told
her. So, I had to raise my voice and say, "That's pee" and point on
the floor. Can someone clean it up. After 30 minutes, pee still on the floor,
probably soaking into our nostrils and definitely my shoes. I had to remind our
kind waitress about the wet floor. She then gets her manager to come over and
lap it up with thick paper towels. I thought that was a bit unsanitary, so I'm
sure I was making faces. After she finishes, she says - "oh, I should
probably get some sort of disinfectant." At that point, I turn my head
like a PUG to see if she is for real. She was and returned with some spray and
started to spray the floor and wipe that up. Anybody ever heard of a mop and
bucket? I turned my head like a human again, bought some cheesecake and asked
for the bill.
The next day was July 4th and I spent that time hanging out
with my mom and working on my podcast, because my roommates were too loud for
me to get this done. Every time I tried to record the podcast, a door would
open, the toilet would flush, the little boy starts marching, the door would close,
the shower would come on, the little boy continues to march. After all of that,
I put my podcast microphone away and decided it might be best to take a walk. Anyway,
I was able to do my first interview, which felt really good. You know how you
have an idea, but not quite sure how the manifestation of it will turn out. I decided
- I can and will do this! Well, I have
business cards and a T-Shirt!!!!! - I gotta
do it now. :-)
Later that day, there was a cookout at my Aunt's house and
it's always great hanging with family and friends. There were even some friends
of my grandmother there. That was great, because it reminded me how she used to
take me on her walks to visit her friends who were restricted to their homes, bedridden
or just did not come outside. I would always get some candy from one of her
friends and the other one's - I'd just sit and speak when spoken to. That is
probably why I get along so well with people older than me. My grandma did not
play all that - 'talking out of turn', minding other people's business, saying
someone was getting on your nerves or stepping outside of a child's place. Granted,
I am older now and actually have my own business, nerves and can talk in and
out of turn all I want - but it is still done with respect. That's something I
learned at a young age.
Anyway, I drove back to New York on
the evening of the 4th and decided to take the no-toll roads back, because I had
to pay $5 to get into Philadelphia from New Jersey. I was like, really Philly.
You are really going to take my $5. Yes, they took it! It's bad enough it cost
$15 to get into New York - and I'm still not sure what they are using that
money for. Hmm? So, I'm driving through Manhattan and there are cops on every
corner, police cars all over the roads - 10 cars deep - swerving through
traffic with their sirens blaring. After the fourth set of police cars pass by me,
I remembered it was July 4th. SMH Then I thought, it probably is not wise to be
going the same directions of the police. These people actually run towards danger.
I, on the other hand, hide behind the
columns to avoid danger. Then I thought, it probably wasn't wise to move to New
York, if I wanted to avoid danger. I kept driving until I saw the Bronx
expressway. I was relieved then, because nobody wants to mess with the Bronx.
Friday, I was the only one at work.
I could have called out, but what else was I going to do? So, I just went to
work and pretended to work. LOL. I actually was able to get some things done,
but literally everyone took their vacation on that day. I had no where else to
go and I needed to make up some time anyway, so I went. One of the things that
I've started to do is read the MTA paper on the train and New York is funny with
how they put the bad things in small print, at the very bottom or to the side.
Like, bad things that will give New York a bad name - violent things. They do
not hide the politician's indiscretions or the fact that one of the mayoral
candidates was affiliated with a high-end prostitution ring and sent
"unbecoming" pictures of himself to someone. That is not in small
print or at the bottom. What is small and at the bottom is "woman was
stabbed in the throat coming home from work at 4:25 in the morning", "homeless woman stabbed a woman and
punched another woman while on the 6 train on Monday", or an MTA woman kills
herself while on her shift by blowing her brains out". The print is so
small, that I almost forget to read it, but then I read it and I'm scared. I
catch the 6 train to work and this happened in the morning. I have started to
cover my throat on the train, because I don't want to be stabbed and especially
in the throat. I have things to say. Craziness.
As I leave to go to my place on
Friday, I see this.
He partied too hard - for July 4th
and 5th.
My weekend was a bit rough. I think
it hit me that I don't have a job, any leads, my own apartment or anything. I
stayed in on Saturday and just lounged around. There were things I could have
done, but I just didn't feel motivated to do anything. Just wasn't in a good
space. The friend of a friend invited me to church with her and I said I would
go. I almost cancelled, because I was not in a good space and was still up at 4
in the morning, but I thought it was probably best for me to go. I hadn't been
in the past couple of weeks - due to moving. Well, I caught the train to the
church and I saw a man sitting on the train dressed in his Sunday best. You
know me, I didn't look at him in the face just yet, but after I sat down, I
thought the Christian thing to do would be to acknowledge him. He was dressed
in the Deacon outfit. Brown creased pants, brown shined shoes, a burnt orange vest
with a brown jacket. He looked very deaconish! I like the deacons, so I went to
look up and speak, but he had already been smiling brightly, he muttered something
and then stopped smiling. He wasn't even looking at me, so I assumed he had a Bluetooth
earpiece. I searched for the Bluetooth, headphones, or something. There was
nothing. I then turned my gaze towards something else, because I didn't want to
be stabbed in the throat.
I got off the train and did not
know how to get to the church from the station, but I saw a CVS and I still had
toothpaste breath. So, I went to CVS, bought some water, Twizzlers for church,
and changed from my sneakers to my church shoes (3 inch heels). You just can't
walk everywhere with church shoes. They are for church only, because you can
only stand to have them on for a few hours. That's it! Anyway, I'm walking with
my dress and heels - like I was before and then I felt my right ankle buckle
and go towards the right. I was so busy looking for the church, I wasn't
looking at the ground and missed the gap in the sidewalk. I did not fall and thought
I quickly recovered - so I kept strutting down the street. Well, this guy who
is walking towards me says loudly, "You handled that one nicely, you still
got it together. I saw that, but you pulled it together. Good job!" I just
started laughing. Like, thank you sir for pointing out so loudly that I just
tripped.
I reach a corner and I still don't
know where I was going. I took a swig of my water and this couple walks up to
me with a map and asked if I knew where...I cut them right off. I said,
"I'm lost myself. I know nothing about this area (Harlem)." They look
at me like "really". So, I look back at them, like
"really". Then this guy walks down the street, who happens to be
black, and apparently the tourist couple and I had the same thought at the same
time. ASK HIM WHERE WE NEED TO GO. LOL. They got there first and he started to
tell them where to go, but couldn't think of the street name. So he looks at
me, and says "you know, what's that street". I look at him and say,
"I don't know, I'm about to ask you where the church is located." LOL. So then he looks at me like, "really". I look back at him, like,
"really". He then tells me where to go. :-) I laughed as I left,
because then I realized why they were asking me if I knew where things were -
I'm black. Just like we both went to ask that guy.
SMH
Well, I found the church and cried
from the first song until the benediction. The title of the sermon was "A
Remedy for Resignation". If that wasn't applicable, I'm not sure what was.
I really enjoyed the music and the message. It was very refreshing to hear and
I need that in my life. Not just when I'm down, but even when I'm up. I need
that connection, that Word of encouragement to reassure me that I'll be okay
and that I'm not alone in whatever struggle I'm in. The lady next to me was
crying and the man in front of me was crying too. They started passing out
tissues, so I reached over my row
and grabbed some for me and the lady next to me. It wasn't funny, but when the
preacher said "turn to your neighbor and tell them God hasn't forgotten
about you." I turned to my neighbor who was dabbing tears from her eyes
and I had tears rolling down my cheeks and we started laughing. I just touched
her shoulder and said, "It's not over, God hasn't forgotten about You!"
It was a powerful message that God knew I needed to hear. Along with my comic
relief with my neighbor, I saw this lady walking down the isle with a Minnie
Mouse headband. (Ears sticking up and all). I was glad she was in church,
because the church is the most accepting of all types of people - crazy and all.
We welcome one, we welcome all! That's the motto. That's the way it should be -
come as you are! So, we do.... tears, dripping mascara, Minnie Mouse headbands
and crazy deacons. You name it...you can always find it at church.
I left the church and started walking back
towards the CVS and this gorgeous man walks up to me to shake my hands. My defenses
are already up, but I stuck out my hand, because - hello - he was tall, light
and handsome. He goes on to say his name, which I forgot - DRATS. Then he says,
he is running for City Council. I immediately say, "I'm not from around
here." So, he puts up his hands like he is under arrest and said in a
sarcastic voice, "Well, it's still a good morning". I smiled and
said, "Yes, I'm sorry, Good morning". My legs kept walking (stupid
defenses), but I turned around and said, "Good luck". UGH. I kicked
myself all the way home. I should have asked about his campaign, the process,
volunteered for goodness sake. I don't have a job. That could be my full time
job and I can sell candy on the trains to pay the rent. SMH.

Sunday evening I went to the
movies. I decided to get out of my cell and do something. The past week had
been extremely HOT - ranging around 95 degrees outside, but it felt like 105
degrees. So, I decided to keep the AC running in my cell, so, when I come in
from the scorching heat, I could be instantly cooled. That was my idea.
Well, I came back from the movies and opened the door to the apartment where my
cell is located and then the other door opens and the wife appears. She has her
shoulders hunched and her head bowed a little and she says she wants to talk. I
am like, "oh dear." She starts off the conversation by saying,
"My husband told me that your AC was running when you weren't here...". I mentally shook my head and thought - "punk". In short, she
explained that by 'me' keeping the AC running, it runs up the
electric bill and although she knows her husband said everything was included -
if their bill is over $100, they will probably need some help with that. I
tried to smile as I knew this conversation was uncomfortable for her, but I was
also smiling to keep from crying myself. I told her that I understood and would
not mind contributing. She then said, "Like now, you are just getting back and your light is on and your AC is running". If looks could kill, she would
have melted on the spot. I was thinking, "Lord, you are really humbling
me." So, I told her that in the future I would cut the AC off and that
yes, I had been sleeping with the light on (because she noticed this and wanted
to point it out as well). What I didn't tell her was that I never sleep with
the light on, but I do here, because I'm not sure what is going to jump out and
bite me. I smiled, she put her head and shoulders up some and I retreated to my
cell. I wasn't mad at her, because -
hello- I own a home and I know how those bills can be. I was mad because I am
in the situation in the first place. I'm a grown woman who owns a home and ...
and ... and ... but none of that means a thing - right here and right now. I'm
trying not to be mad at the process, but this is some major humble pie. Grown
or not, I'm under someone else's roof and as I tell my kids all the time - you
don't dictate rules in someone else's home. You don't like it - Get your own!
God knows, more than I can ever say - I've been put out of someone's home
before, which is why I've been hell bent on getting and keeping my own. My own
everything, not having to depend on anyone for anything. But, here and now - it's
not my way and it is tearing me up.
I must have carried that on to Monday
- because that was a tough day. All day, just tough. I had to get a few pep
talks from my mother, my brother, myself and then my mom again. I even had to
get a few pep emails. I think it hit me as I paid my rent for another month, I
may be paying to rent this cell for August as well. SMH. This is my process and what i signed up for - so I got to what I got to do.
Anyway, I made it through the work
day after many pep talks and decided at 7pm that I wanted to eat some food and
not the stupid salad in the refrigerator. So, I go to Grubhub.com and found a
seafood place 1 mile from my place. I ordered and paid for the food online and checked
the box, stating that I would pick it up. I heard the thunder, but there was no
rain, so I just grabbed my black, cross over, cloth purse, threw on some jeans,
my new walking sneakers and a heather gray t-shirt. I get a quarter of the way
there and big rain drops started to come down. I run under the over ground train
station and attempt to stay under there for protection from the rain - which partially
worked. Then the heavens opened up and it starts to POUR and I mean POUR. I am
halfway jogging at this point towards the store, which is much further than I
thought and I spot a Walgreens. I walk around the store, to find two different
types of umbrellas. One is light and cost $5.99 and the other is bigger and
heavier and cost $14.99. However, the $14.99 had "fun in the sun" and
I thought it was a beach umbrella. I didn't want to walk around with a beach
umbrella, so I purchased the $5.99 umbrella. I was 3 blocks away from the store,
so I figured I would be fine.
Now, before I left the Walgreens, the top of
my shirt was wet and my jeans were wet from the knees down. I put up that $5.99
umbrella and by the time I made it to the store where my food had been waiting
- I was completely soaked. I had been drier without the umbrella. At this point, I'm in the middle of a thunder storm in
full force, with gale force winds and rain coming down by the buckets. I
thought about staying in the store to eat my food to wait out the rain, but I
realized it was 8:05 pm and already dark. So, I headed back to my place, but
stopped past the Walgreens, picked up the "fun in the sun" umbrella
and a poncho. The lady let me trade in the $5.99 umbrella that did absolutely
nothing. Now, I'm at the entrance at the front of the store, I unwrap my
"fun in the sun" umbrella and the poncho. These two older ladies were
laughing at me, and asking, "You ready to go now, huh". I said,
"Not just yet". They watched me struggle to figure out where the head of
the poncho was located, watched me struggle to get the poncho over my big head that happened to have a bun on top and then
figure out how to close it up on the sides of the poncho. They were getting a real kick out
of this event. I secured my food, opened my umbrella and secured the hood on my
poncho and yelled back to them, "I'm ready now" and was off to get
back to my place. Don't you know it was barely drizzling when I stepped outside
that Walgreens. Now, I really look like the crazy one. I walk back, hot, sweating from the plastic poncho, carrying this huge "fun in the sun" umbrella and making squeaky noises, because my sneakers were soaked.
Status of my situation:
·
Hair: Wet
·
Heather Gray t-shirt: SOAKED
·
Jeans: SOAKED
·
Sneakers: SOAKED
·
Cloth Purse: SOAKED
·
Umbrella "fun in the sun": DAMP
·
PONCHO: DRY
·
FOOD: Good (fish sandwich)
I was always the type to never
carry an umbrella, because why do I need the extra baggage? I wanted to move to
New York, so I could walk, catch the trains and buses, because it would be fun.
Whoa!!! Fun.
Hello, Dorthy - you're not in
Kansas anymore. Your primary mode of transportation is no longer your personal
vehicle! You need to check the weather, the news and the train systems for possible stabbings. You also may want to get those rain boats, I mean boots.
Here's to changing my thinking and
Not clicking my heels.
Location:
Bronx, NY, USA
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