Thursday, November 14, 2013

I'm back!!!

Hey Friends and Family,

I'mmmmmm baaaacccckkkk!

Yes, I was on a hiatus, but as you know I found a job and it's been almost three months. That is a long time and I've honestly missed sharing my days and weeks with you. There were so many times when I saw something and thought I cannot wait to share this with everyone. Of course I didn't write it down and of course I don't remember. Hence why having a blog is helpful, since my memory could be a lot better. I'm just saying. 
Anyway, what's new with me.

Nothing much, honestly. I'm working hard and now I'm working on my personal self. Meaning getting back to the blog, podcast, business and books. Yes, people. I'm about to do the dang thang

I watched the movie, 12 Years a Slave, and I left asking myself where do I have that "slave mentality". Thinking I can't do this, dumbing myself down to do that, allowing certain things to go on that shouldn't be. How do I dare to make a difference? So, that made me think, where have I dropped the ball and here we are. 
It was a great movie to see, so I would definitely recommend it, but it also allowed me to see how the same things are still going on now. Not with forcible slavery, but the slavery of the mind. It's tight, but it's right. 
We have to change our thinking. 

So, if you want someone to hold you accountable or want to share stories, struggles and encourage others who have the same goals. Join My Accountability Board. The website is here and be sure to go to Facebook and like the page. 

This is a new group, but our goal is 250 users and 100 likes. 

I'll be in touch soon.

Tammy J - Feeling blessed and signing off

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Saturday in Brooklyn

Today was supposed to be a lazy day. School starts on Monday, so I, with my genius timing decide to drive to Walmart. Ha! It looked like Black Friday. Everybody and their mom was there. The shelves were empty and people were more rude than ever. Ok - not sure how many people tried to cut me off in line,  because I've been in New York now for four months, so I've learned my lesson. Now, I'm like - not today homie. The lines were so long, even in the 20 items or less line, that they allowed the home and garden cashiers to take on all customers. I immediately go back there, but this lady, her mother and son decide to bring their two carts, FILLED to the brim and in the process held up the home and garden line for twenty minutes. I of course am standing behind them. Ugh! 
I finally attempt to leave the Walmart parking lot and again, people are attempting to cut me off because I have a small car. Well, not today - There was this van, the ones that you can sleep in and he thinks he is going cut me off. So when I did not allow him to cut me off - he beeps his horn. Well, it's not a regular horn sound. It was like a clown car horn sound that played a stupid tune. He kept pressing that thing and I just kept laughing - like really! It's playing a clown song with every beep.

I get back home and my apartment is on the 7th floor. I was relaxing and yes, not unpacking. I mean- don't ask me how many boxes I have stacked against the wall. Don't ask me why I won't unpack them. I can eat, shower, and sleep. Those are the necessities at the moment. Anyway, all of a sudden, I hear music coming from below me. Hmm, it's not so bad. The bass wasn't that loud. I can handle it - even though I could hear the words. I keep reading my e-book. Then I hear louder music on top of the music coming from below - but this music is coming from outside. It was so loud. So I decided to use my phone to see if I could Shazzam the song. (Shazzam is an app that will allow you to identify the music that is playing). You usually have to be close to the music, people have to be quiet, and the song will display and allow you several ways to either hear the song, buy the song or share it using some sort of social media outlet. So, tell me why, I'm on the 7th floor, windows closed and I am able to use Shazzam the song that is playing outside on the ground level. Smh. It was Chris Brown and the song was Beautiful People - the club remix. Well, thanks East Flatbush for introducing me to the neighborhood.  Although, the apartment building is pretty quiet and they stopped playing the music around 10pm. I'm not mad at that. 

Good night! 

Tammy J. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Washing clothes?

Today was the day I decided to wash clothes. Well, I go down stairs to the dungeon and find the washers and dryers. I bought the washer and dryer card, because they no longer accept quarters - which I guess is efficient. But the stupid card cost $3 and they don't take ones or $20's. I guess the car idea makes sense, because who in the world carries around rolls of quarters? 
The washer, all the washers have dirty water in the bottom of them. I think - maybe this is the way it should be and once you get it started the dirty water will go away. Umm, no.
I put my card in all of them and nothing happens. I get the super for the building who is playing his Spanish soap operas loudly in the room next door. This is after he comes into the laundry room to reintroduce himself and let me know that he knows what apartment I'm staying in. That's very observant of you, sir. Now that i need him to do his job, he reluctantly comes to let me know why my card is not working for the washers- he realizes that not just one, two, but all three are not working. He apologizes and says he will call the people and that I can go across the street to wash my clothes. Umm, excuse me? He's waving me over there and says, oh yeah, they have the same system. That's comforting? How about I don't live over there and I don't need security or the super grilling me or escorting me out of the building with dirty clothes. So, I do what any sensible person does - walk across the street and act like I live there. 
They only have one washer working! Makes me feel a whole lot better and their dungeon looks worse than ours. I only washed one load and made my way back to my apt.
I went back to get my clothes - they were still there - thank God. I am leaving the premises with my laundry bag and this guy who is dressed up in maintenance gear is eyeing me suspiciously. I'm like - I'm caught, but at least my clothes are clean. So I hold my head up high and walk across the street - like sir - everybody does it. I've only been here for three days. Lol


Friday, August 23, 2013

No Romance/NY Apt Drama

Call me a hopeless romantic, but does it bother anyone else to have these things plastered in the streets or on trains.

Yes, I am aware that this is a reality, but I'd like to see some advertisements for couple's counseling with a picture of a couple in love and not just for Viagra ads. 
That is just too much. I'm just saying, really? Was this banner necessary?

I'm doing well. Thanks for asking. Currently, I'm on the train on my way to my job to help set up some computers. Yes, I have a job, but I do not officially start until the 9th of September. My job will include career counseling, scheduling and some technical support. This job allows me to do the things I love and explore the things I want. EXCITING STUFF!

I've finished my apartment hunt and I will be moving on the 30th. Yes, I found a studio apartment in Brooklyn about 30 minutes on the train from my job. It will be hard going 
from a townhouse to a studio, but that's the price of moving to lovely New York. There are apartments everywhere and as soon as one listing is posted, is as soon as the listing is gone. Especially in the summer! Literally, an apartment would post and 1 hour later, it would be gone! Sold! Oh and the other things about NEW YORK. They deal with brokers. It's been a while since I've had to search for an apartment, but apparently there are brokers fee's that are equal to the month of rent. Let me break it down. For an apartment that cost $1,500 a month. One could pay the following just to MOVE IN.

  - First Month:                    $1,500
  - Security/Last Month:      $1,500
  - Broker's Fee:                   $1,500 (only if it's equivalent to monthly rent. Some agencies want you to pay 15-18% of the annual fee. That is for one year @ this rent amount, you will pay - $18,000. Depending on the broker, you may pay $2,700 for the broker's fee or @ 18% - #3,240.)

Let's add this up! To move in an apartment, you may have to pay one of the following!

$4,500 with the broker's fee being $1,500
$5,700 with a 15% broker's fee
$6,240 with 18% broker's fee

Please have good credit and you must make 40 x the rent. Meaning, if the rent is $1,500, you will need to make no less than $60,000 a year. Oh, and lets' just say your credit isn't the best - you can get a consigner. This person must make 80x the rent and have a credit score of 700 or more. Who has this kind of money? I don't - that's for sure. I mean, are these people kidding. Who has this kind of credit? 80x the rent. I was speechless on the phone when the realtor told me that. Who makes over $135,000 a year with a credit score over 700? SMH - Sorry, I'm drawing a blank. I'm not sure if I hung up on him or he hung up on me, because my mouth was wide open and I couldn't get a word out. This is a down payment on a house. 

One broker told me that one apartment, which was being renovated at the time would cost me, the first month, last month, security and an 18% broker's fee. Let's not forget that the floor was being redone and I could see outside. I should be able to see outside, if we are on the third floor. I understand the floor is not complete, but I shouldn't be able to see outside, right? I also shouldn't see a cat come from out the floor from the outside. I looked at the broker and the realtor and they just acted like he was the apartment cat. I almost said, does the cat come with the apartment, but thought that he might actually say yes. I mean, really. A cat coming from out the floor. That took the cake. Highway robbery, as my Grandma would say.

Now on to the hassle's of moving. I signed my lease and was told that the apartment needs to be 80% carpeted. I looked at the lady, like are you going to provide the carpet? Are you kidding me? I then ask her if I can hang up pictures. Well, if you know me - I don't hang up pictures - the walls will stay bare for all I care, but I just wanted to see what she was going to say. She says, it's an old lease and she is sure I can hang up pictures. I looked at her, like whatever - rest assure, that if there is a hole in the wall, they'll deduct that from my security deposit - quick!

I won't even complain - I have a place to stay and it's clean!!!! So exciting!

The other thing I realized is that my furniture will not fit into this studio. :-) Therefore, I've been attempting to sell my furniture on Craigslist. The bad part is, most of the furniture is very nice and I've had it for less than a year and then there is the tech stuff, which is still in the box and never used. At this point, I need to sell it, in order to buy new furniture and live until I get paid. Well, here are a list of responses I get from Craigslist.

  • One guys tells me that my brand new TV is on sale on Amazon for $29 more and therefore I shouldn't consider saying it's a sale. (Sir, really. Thanks for sharing that news with me. I appreciate you telling me how to sell my products. It makes my life easier)
  • Another guy asks me if I would trade my new TV for (2) of his new iPads still in the box. (Sir, I can barely sell the brand new TV, $400 less than what I bought it for and you want me to try to sell iPads - I'm good).
Craigslist is a trip. 

As I was riding home from work, I finally got a chance to sit down. A few stops later, this guy sits next to me, talking, looking for napkins to wipe his face, playing with his phone, listening and singing to music. When I say singing, I mean - hand gestures and all. Mind you, we are sitting hip to hip. So, every hand gesture is in my frontal line of site. I put my phone away, because all I could think about was getting stabbed in the throat. Everyone else is looking another way, because you can't meet crazy head on. Well, as he sat, doing his seat interpretation of Prince (The Artist) dances, moving his hands, he spotted a lady (maybe in her 40's) standing there. He stop singing his song and gestures for her to sit down - more like demanded for her to sit down. She shakes her head frantically, like, Heck to the NO. She wasn't going nowhere near that seat. So a younger lady sat down. He proceeds to stand up, but before he does he shouts out -- "Show me some love, strip off your shoes, and take off your socks" and continues doing the standing version of Prince (The Artist) dances or Michael Jackson. He was on his toes and wiggling his hips. I couldn't look at anyone and resisted taking out my phone to record him. Why? Apparently, he was listening to Missy Elliot (4 My People). I had to look it up. We didn't know if he was talking to any of us or not.

Two people down from me, this lady is sitting there and she starts cleaning her nails with her other nails and stuff starts flying and falling the floor. I almost gagged. What in the world is under her nails. I had to look back at my hands in my lap. The guy that was standing in front of her, looked up from his e-reader like, What in the world? I traced the lines in my palms. SMH

Anyway, it's been a day. Had to share.

Will keep you posted on my adventure and the move.

Signing off,

Tammy J

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Could be me

I left my fellowship job around my normal time today, walked to the train station and sat on the platform bench. I’ve let my guard down a little bit, it’s been 3 months in this interesting city - so I can spot crazy from pretty far away now. I sat a couple of seats down awayto a sleeping guy, who one couldn’t probably tell was homeless or not, but he looked a little dingy. I was reading my e-book and then I smelled the guy and realized why the seat was open. I watched him sleep and I noticed his sneakers that were too small and they had feces on the insides. In that moment my heart broke for him. He was just trying to get some rest. I just sat there looking at him, thinking that could be me. What would I look like? How would I go about getting on my feet? What if I felt like I couldn’t? What if I didn’t have family and friends who cared for me? Which station would I sleep at to get rest

My train came and as I walked to the apartment that I share with a couple, I became teary-eyed, because I, honest to God, felt like that could be me. I became very grateful about my room that I can afford to rent, my family who would take me in if I hit rock bottom and my friends who would provide encouragement and a room if needed. These things are extremely valuable, probably priceless. About two weeks ago, I got that message loud and clear. After hearing a rejection about what felt like the 50th job that I’ve applied and interviewed for – I just broke down. All my high hopes, my dreams, my boldness, my ambition – seemed like it came crumbling down. It wasn’t that I did not have the faith that it would happen one day, it was that it did not happen the way I thought and when I thought it should. I became upset – quite upset.

Then I let it go. What’s the worst case scenario? I can move back to Philly and start over. That’s the worst case. It’s not ideal, not treasured and certainly not what I would like to do after being on my own for over 10 years, but if spending time with my family, catching up with old friends, hanging out with my nieces and nephews and ensuring they can say “Auntie Meeka” – then so be it. I had finally resolved within myself, that if my plan does not work out – I will be okay. :-) It took almost three months, but after I left my last interview – I realized it wasn’t just a thought – I realized I was actually okay, if I didn’t get that job. LOL. Crazy feeling, but liberating.

I’ve been out of touch for a few weeks, but you know – NY has been full of surprises and the foolishness has continued, but the only thing that I’d like to share for now is:
  •       I received a job offer – today at 11:20 am 
My brother prophetically told me that a lot of things would come at the last minute back in May and I’ve never forgotten those words – but as it turns out. I received the fellowship placement at the last minute, I was able to secure my room at the last minute and my fellowship ends next Thursday and my last day to rent this room is Aug. 22nd - More last minute stuff.  SMH

Now on to my next adventure – Finding a place to stay. I'm guessing that would be the last minute as well, but again - whatever it is - I will not be anxious. What's the worst case scenerio. My commute will be 1.5 hours traveling from the Bronx to Brooklyn. Not ideal, but I will not complain!

Honestly, I just thank God that I have a place to rest my head, because in case I forgot – everybody doesn’t. Don’t mean to damper your mood, I know these posts are usually funny – but I’m just thankful and no longer bitter or upset about the process. Even the lesson learned. God knows the ways, the path that we should take and even if He doesn’t decide to share the details, it’s for our own good. We just have to be okay with that.

Signing off

~ A Grateful Tammy

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Everyone needs a shoulder!

Hey Everybody,

I'm hoping all is well with you! So far, so good with me.
This post is just some encouragement that people have sent to me, that I wanted to send to you!
Times are hard, things get rough, but through perseverance, persistence and patience. We will make it through!
Love you all,

Tammy J

Poem from Bradie Frink:

Good things come to those wait
Hopefully soon and not too late
You've prepared yourself for what may come
When the game is over you will have won

Never more than you can bare
God our king will be right there
To wipe away your every tear
And soothe your heart from any fear

I believe in you and all you do
If anyone can succeed it will be you
A little test to check your faith
And exercise God's awesome grace

He'll keep you in perfect peace
Working it out when you expect it the least 
His hand is covering your heart and life
Protecting you from hurt and strife

So lift your your head and do your thing
Enjoy the miracle that God will bring
Increasing everything you thought you were losing
Giving you choices, a job of your choosing

From what I've seen I know you're ok
The time is now, you'll find your way
You'll figure it out, job, house and all
And if you need to talk, GIVE ME A CALL

Words of encouragement from KF:
It's only a chapter, not the story!

Song lyrics from PY:

There's nothing you can't do,
Now you're in New York,
These streets will make you feel brand new,
Big lights will inspire you,
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

Words of encouragement from CH:

Don't let the temporary irritations, personality conflicts, challenges and foolishness distract you, my sister.  Keep your eyes on the prize!  Do not be timid to SHINE because God made you to shine for Him.  People may get intimidated but you have a higher calling and you must answer to Him.  You will do well in Jesus' name!

Words of wisdom from DJ:

You are a G! Like a real G.
Moving to another city with no job. That's some G stuff!

Words of encouragement from SS:

I know God has someone for everyone. God has a plan for your life and don't forget it. Read this story. You never know what happens when you blog.

Words of encouragement from RJ:

Go Tameka, Go!

Words of encouragement from me:

This too shall past and joy cometh in the morning. 

Send some words of encouragement that people have sent you:
tammyj at tammyj .net

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Just a chapter, not the story!

Hello All,

You’ll be happy to know that I’ve started my podcast. It’s called the Tammy J: It Happens show and it is on iTunes, Spreaker and YouTube. I’m very excited about this and I really hope you guys will listen, subscribe and leave reviews. :-)
iTunes people, click here and all the rest of you, click here.

Well, on to more news. Current status, I do not have a job, meaning I do not have my own apartment, meaning I’m still where I was last week. However, I received some good advice, which I’m going to take. “Stop acting like a visitor and you might fall in love with the place”. Thanks Fed! I think I will. As a result of taking this advice, I went grocery shopping. Do not ask what I have been doing the past month. Don’t. Just leave it alone. I took some more advice from a friend (thanks RJ) and bought some bread, lunch meat, snacks, cereal and milk. I just ate a sandwich and it was pretty good! As I went out to make my sandwich, my roommate offered me some Moroccan tea and bread that he made. I said yes. Well, look at that – my friends will be proud of me. :-)

Not only did I go grocery shopping, I went downstairs to the basement level of this apartment building to wash my clothes. Again, don’t ask what I’ve been doing before this. No, I haven’t been going to Maryland to wash clothes. SMH. I got all excited about facing the dungeon (I mean the basement). I scoped out the dungeon first. I saw that the machines were fairly new, I went to the bank and asked for $20 in quarters and headed to the dungeon. I get there and 1) I don’t have any detergent and 2) the machines do not take quarters, they take a card that you need cash to get. I felt awfully stupid. You should have seen me leaving the bank, like I was doing something. All excited about being proactive, well, apparently not that observant. SMH. Now that I’ve bought the detergent, I haven’t been able to get the cash to buy the card. I think I’ll go back to the bank and ask them for $20 for my two rolls of quarters. SMH

My adventures on the train, included the following:
  •          One guy was playing a guitar (Christian music) and a couple of drunk ladies were dancing in their drunken way.  It was quite interesting to watch, especially since they were worship songs. LOL He just kept playing.
  •         As they were dancing, these two girls were walking arm-in-arm down the platform and one of the girls just fell and brought them both down. I was like, OMG. My legs started to move towards them, because the one girl wasn’t getting back up. Before I could get there, many other people were already there and one guy scoped up the girl, grabbed his stuff and started taking her towards the nearest police officer. I thought that was very unlike New York, but was very glad to see that act of kindness.
  •         After they passed me to get to the police, all I see is these two legs walking, but the guy was sitting in a wheelchair. So, his legs were doing all the movement and he was walking or scooting across the platform.  I did a double take and he looked at me like, “yeah”. I just looked back at him like, “do what you do, sir”. SMH
  •         I get on the train and I see this woman with a purple shirt, purple lipstick and purple glazed eyebrows. I had to look a few more times and thought – I’ve seen it all now. These New Yorkers are taking matching to another level.

On Friday, I left work really late, probably around 8:00 pm, because I had to do a video conference for the class that I teach online and I wouldn’t have made it back to my place in time. Therefore, I stayed, but made sure the maintenance crew knew I was there. As I left the building, I tried to go out of my usual exit and there was this huge sign that said “HALT”. Just kidding, it said, STOP. Do not exit this way, between the hours of 8am and 11pm or the NYPD will take action against you. With my luck, I figured if I ignored that sign, the siren would go off, lights would come on and they would have me against the wall, talking about “spread ‘em”. So, I halted and went another way. As I was going back towards the way I came, I asked the group of people who were at the table, how to get out. They pointed in one direction, so I headed that way. Well, I get to one door and it didn’t say STOP, there were no cameras, lights or anything that said NYPD, so I went out that door. Now it is raining outside, but I have my umbrella, because I’m no longer in Kansas and I started walking towards the gate. I get closer to the gate and see that it is closed. Okay, maybe this is to deter people from coming through. No, it was locked with the biggest padlock I’ve ever seen. I’m like, great. Let me go out the other way. The distance between these gates is the distance between the side of the entire school building, which turns out to be the length of three basketball courts, side by side. I get to the other gate and it looks closed as well and the closer I get – I see that familiar HUGE pad lock. Now I’m like Good Lord! The door that I just left out of is a typical steel school door – made for crafty kids – so they could never get in or out, unless you wanted them to.
However, I did not panic yet. I’m no stranger to hopping gates or going under them. (long story) Anyway, I start to look for cuts in the gate or places where the gates have been disconnected from the base. Uh, no (in my Kevin Hart voice). All these places have been re-sealed and the places where they were holes in the gates have been patched up with thicker gate material. Then, panic hit my heart. I see a couple walk past on the other side, so I started to walk towards them and say something, but then I thought better of it. They may see that I’m trapped like a caged wildebeest and start to poke fun. I go back to the steel door and bang on it. It was like kicking bricks – barely made a sound. My hand just hurt. I’m like, OMG. Why does this stuff happen to me? Why? What did I do, Lord? Why me? Then I start pacing back and forth, like my telepathic WILL would open the gates. I think, maybe if I put my umbrella through, my purse and my other bag, I can just hop over the gate. Then I think better of that idea – I’m in East Harlem, if I stick anything through those gates with no way to get over there – they will be gone. Hello!

I go back to the door and start to bang and kick. Now with a vengeance. Almost in hysterics – because I was trapped. All of a sudden the door opens! I said, “Thank you Jesus!” The maintenance guy who I notified that I was in the building, when we were on the fifth floor opens the door and asked me where was I going? I told him, apparently nowhere. Then I said, I’m trying to get home! He is laughing at me by this point, because I’m sure he sees the hysteria in my eyes. I said, “I’m glad you think it’s funny.” He could barely talk, because he was laughing so much. I just stalked off and went out a door I knew I wouldn’t be trapped like a caged animal. SMH

Last Sunday, I went to the movies to see Superman. It was okay, the movie seemed rushed, but okay. I drove to the theatre and when I came back – it was around midnight and there was nowhere to park. I finally found a place to park. BTW: The parking here is crazy. Nowhere to park in a 5 block radius. So, the next Sunday, a few days ago, I saw a closer parking spot, so I went to go get my car and move near where I am staying. I quickly walk the five blocks, excited that there were a few spaces available and they were closer to my place. The closer I get to where I think my car is located, I realize I do not see my car. I was not alarmed at first, because all the blocks look alike. I see a man sitting outside his house and I ask him if there was a car here and are you allowed to park here? He starts to explain in a very thick Italian accent – “no car here”. I’m like, sir, I think I parked my car here last Sunday.” He said, “I hope not, it says no standing”. I said, “Right, but it doesn’t say no parking”. He says, “Standing is parking”. I’m like, what? So, I go to the next block, convinced that my car is there. Uh, no. (Kevin Hart voice and then the Kevin Hart cry). Because this is not HAPPENING TO ME! Everybody was trying to be helpful, but at that point – I was done. I was just done. I didn’t want to hear nothing, because, REALLY? My car is gone. It’s either stolen or has been towed. I return to my place and I didn’t call the cops for a while, because I was just done. People are urging me to find out – I’m like – I will – One day. I’ll find out. I was so done, it didn’t make any sense. I’m catching the train, holding my neck, grasping my bag, blotting my face because it’s hot as HADES 'out this mickity flick', wearing shorts under my skirts, sneakers to keep my stride, get locked in a cage, have to share an apt, can’t cook, no full-time job, no prospects of a job, have to keep the air conditioning and fan running in my room and only when I’m there, and now my car is gone. Done!

Well, after I gathered myself, I called the cops, whose system was down and they couldn’t tell me if my car had been towed. Oh, wonderful! The Bronx pound was closed on Sunday and I must wait until Monday. On Monday morning, I did not feel too well, so I called out. I then called the pound, who after 10 minutes of searching their system said my car was there. It had been towed on Tuesday and I just realized this on Sunday. Whoopee!
I found out how to get to the pound on the train that also included a 15 minute walk in the HOT SUN. At one point, I pulled out my trusty umbrella and did not CARE who looked at me like I was not from around there. I finally reached the pound and after $245 in tow fees and $345 in tickets (apparently it cost $115 per ticket to park in a “no standing zone”), which I did not have to pay at that moment (thank God). To date, I have 3 tickets – one for being 9 ft. near a hydrant ($115) that I received a few weeks ago and two from last week. I may need to start a TJ Move to New York Charity! I drove off with my car, but not before the old police officer that ‘needed’ to harass me about why “God gave him eyes to see the pretty woman and he assured me with a ring on his ring finger that he would use his eyes to just that.” As he eyed me up and down. I asked him “how his wife felt about that?” and then I was like, “can you please take me to my car”. I have no time for this foolishness. I’m already hotter than fish grease!

New York, New York – oh how I love thee. :-)

To top off this experience, I did receive an email from one school, stating that they received my resume from the Head Hunters and wanted to know if I would be interested in a position that was not on my radar. I looked at the job description and thought it might not be a bad idea, considering what I want to do and said, “Sure”. I have to apply, but we’ll see what happens. That’s the first lead in a few weeks and honestly, I needed some good news.

TODAY, around 4pm, my vision started to blur and I knew a migraine was coming. I immediately took my migraine medicine, but it kept coming. I couldn’t concentrate, so I left work at 4:45pm. I am feeling nauseous the whole walk to the train station and of course, the sun is out, people are shouting and the trains seemed extra loud. I’m praying I can get a seat, because I felt like I was about to go down at any point. I make it to my second train and sat down on the platform bench, which I never do. However, it was either I sat down or would have laid down, like the guy that I saw outside last week. That is how I felt. As soon as I sit down, I think to myself - I need some water. Don’t you know, one of the guys that sells stuff on the train starts yelling, “Ice-cold water, only two left”. I weakly raised my hand as he went to pass me and found the $2 that I keep in my purse. I gave him a dollar for the water and then asked him if he had any candy? HAHA. That’s what I get. I tell you, that man saved my life today. I think he knew it, because he gave me another pack of fruit snacks and started talking about how he likes to help his people, because he knows it’s hot. I said, “Well, I thank you. Because I was about to pass out in this station”. He said that the job is hard work and he’s been out here since 9 am. I asked him “Is it good money” and he said, about $100 a day. I said, well that’s not bad then. As he was talking, I CRUSHED that candy. I mean by the handful. It was crazy. I had lunch, so I’m not sure what was wrong, but my hands were shaking like I hadn’t eaten a thing. Without that water and candy, I would not have made it home. I was walking as slow as a turtle, but I finally made it back to my place and crashed!

I felt much better when I woke up, but I thought to myself – even though these New York ways seem foreign to me – I need to stop acting like a visitor, because I just might need them. :-)